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You know you're a nurse if....

·       You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.

·       You believe not all patients are annoying…. some are unconscious.

·       Your sense of humour seems to get more warped each year.

·       You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.

·       You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock

·       Almost everything can seem humorous... eventually.

·       When asked, "What colour is the patient's diarrhea?" You show them your shoes.

·       Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.

·       You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing than he can.

·       You carry spare meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver. You refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing and triggers flashbacks.

·       You check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off to see if someone from work is trying to call to ask you to work.

·       You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.

·       You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.

·       Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three on you.

·       You can intubate your friends at parties.

·       You don't get excited about blood loss... unless it's your own.

·       You live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."

·       You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.

·       You've told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if they need help.

·       Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.

·       Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.

·       When checking the level of orientation of a patient... you aren't sure of the answer.

·       You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines.

·       You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner, break, and sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.

·       You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.

And....

• You've sworn you're going to have NO CODE tattooed on your chest.

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